Elder Law 101

According to a recent article in Forbes, more than 90 percent of elderly people who were surveyed express the intent to remain living in their own homes as they age and are committed to never moving. This is true even if it means living alone after a divorce or the death of a spouse. Unfortunately, that is not always possible.

Signs Your Parent Should No Longer Live Alone

There comes a time when no matter how much your elderly parent wants to remain living alone, it is no longer feasible for them to do so. A few signs that they need help are:

• They exhibit personality changes such as getting angry easily, or being withdrawn and silent or lashing out.
• Forgetting to take their medications.
• They have trouble paying their bills.
• They neglect their personal care demonstrated by not brushing their hair, not getting dressed appropriately, and forgetting things like eating.
• They can no longer use their computer and have trouble even with their phone.

If this is happening to your elderly parent, it is time to have a serious discussion with them about making a change.

Tips on How to Discuss Living Options with Your Elderly Parent

It is not easy to talk to your parent about making a change in their living environment when they belligerently refuse to move from their home and give up living alone. SeniorSafetyAdvice, an online information resource for seniors and their caregivers, offers some suggestions for discussing this touchy subject with your loved one:

• Listen to your parent’s point of view. Treat them like an adult. Do not talk down to them as though they are children. Understand why they are so resistant. Are they simply afraid to move and fear they will be giving up control of their life? Give them time to consider your suggestions.
• Give your parent a sense of control over deciding how the family will cope with the changes that need to be made. Don’t argue with them but be firm and calm. If possible, give them choices. For example, do they need grocery delivery, meals-on-wheels, or an in-home health aid? Do they need an assisted-living environment?
• If they can be convinced to do so, include them in the research about what to do next. Will they need to move or is it more feasible to have a caregiver move in with them?
• If moving seems like the only option, focus on the type of place that will meet their needs, not a place that you think would be wonderful for you if you were in their situation.
• Be firm about discussing with them the potential consequences of them continuing to live alone.

Contact Beasley & Ferber for Assistance

After you’ve had your thoughtful discussion with your loved one, make an appointment with Beasley & Ferber. We are here to help with all things related to elder law and will discuss with you options for care for your elderly parent who can’t or should no longer live alone.

Dementia and, in particular Alzheimer’s Disease, get a lot of attention in the media. So much so, that when an elderly loved one starts to exhibit memory loss, dementia is the first thing that occurs to family members and close friends. This can be a misleading and dangerous thing to assume for many reasons. First, no one should be casually diagnosed with a medical condition without professional input. Second, it’s unfair to a person to be categorized with a condition when no such professional diagnosis has been made.

Important Differences Between Dementia and Age-Related Memory Loss

There are distinguishable differences between dementia and simple age-related memory loss that need to be understood. Dementia is a physical symptom of a physical condition. Alzheimer’s is just one disease that has dementia as its most prevalent symptom. Dementia is a disabling condition that progresses and worsens over time, often to the point where a person forgets who they are or who their family members are.

Age-related memory loss is something that happens to almost everyone over a long enough period of time. It is typically minor and not debilitating. People with age-related memory loss may repeat themselves, or forget why they came into a room, but they can usually still take care of themselves and recall earlier life events.

Dangers of Casually Diagnosing a Person With Dementia

When a person is casually diagnosed with dementia without having received a professional diagnosis, all sorts of estate planning problems can occur. The first one is the assumption that the person is not able to make sound choices about their estate. Later on, once the estate plan has been documented and executed, the person may balk at certain aspects that don’t align with their true wishes. Not only does this lead to family discord, but it also necessitates beginning the entire legal process over again, which is timely and costly.

Why a Professional Diagnosis is Essential

Establishing diminished mental ability is essential before a family member or anyone else can legally make decisions on behalf of someone else. In most cases, a court order is also needed. There is a great deal of grey area around estate planning for those with dementia, and that grey area is even bigger if a person attempts it without first having a professional diagnosis. If the professional diagnosis comes back with unexpected results, the plan could be negated. If the diagnosis affirms the suspected dementia, then the estate plan needs to be organized in such a way as to accommodate the expected increased needs of the dementia patient. Either way, it’s not just prudent to get the professional diagnosis first; it’s essential.

The very fact that family members are concerned about a loved one’s mental state is often a good sign that they have that person’s welfare in the right perspective. Working with an established elder law attorney in New Hampshire can help to ensure that the loved one’s estate is properly planned. Contact Beasley & Ferber today for more information.

When you put your elderly loved one in the care of a facility, you expect them to be looked after. But one in 10 people aged 60 and over in the U.S. has experienced some type of elder abuse, according to the National Council on Aging. You can help your loved one by paying attention to the following five telltale signs.

1. Becoming Unusually Quiet

During visits with your elderly loved one, do they become unusually quiet when a caregiver enters the room? Often, an elderly person will react instinctively when they are afraid of someone. This may include suddenly stopping in the middle of a sentence, or refusing to answer your questions when an abusive caregiver is present. When that person has left, your loved one may become their usual chatty self.

2. Unwarranted Anger

Often, the elderly will lay blame for abuse on their loved one’s shoulders, especially if they feel that it’s this person’s “fault” they are there in the first place. If you sense unwarranted hostility during visits, don’t assume it’s just because of old age or senility. It could be that they are reacting to feelings of anger and frustration over being treated poorly by those who are supposed to be caring for them.

3. Sudden Decline in Health

Elder abuse doesn’t always take the form of physical or verbal abuse. It can also come in a more passive form of withholding care. This sometimes means that an elderly person isn’t given their medications or isn’t given them on the correct schedule. If you notice a sudden or progressive decline in health, don’t accept it at face value. It could be that their doctor’s orders aren’t being followed. Any deterioration in health should be followed up with a visit to your elderly loved one’s personal physician—not just the care facility’s doctor. An independent assessment by a doctor who is not associated with the care facility can determine whether a lack of care and/or medication might be the cause.

4. Uncleanliness in the Room

When you visit, pay attention to the condition of the room and the things that your loved one uses. Are the sheets and pillowcases clean? Is there clean water within reach? Is the room tidy? Is the toilet clean? If the care facility isn’t taking care of the physical room, it’s likely that they aren’t taking care of your loved one, either.

5. Lack of Eye Contact

When elder abuse is happening in a care facility, human nature often means that the staff will be hesitant to make eye contact with visiting relatives. It’s the inside guilt that makes this phenomenon happen. A lack of eye contact can mean nothing, or it can mean that they have something to hide.

When trying to determine if elder abuse is happening, consider a group of signs, not just one. One sign might just be an oversight, but if you notice multiple signs, it’s worth consulting with an elder law attorney to determine the best steps to take. Contact Beasley & Ferber for help.

Talking to a loved one about end-of-life care is one of the hardest discussions to have. Whether it’s your elderly parents, an older relative, or someone else dear to your heart, it can feel cold and callous to broach the subject of the end of their life. Ironically, it’s because you love them so much that you need and want to have the talk in the first place. Your elderly law attorneys at Beasley & Ferber have these tips to help you with this arduous task.

Choose Your Time and Setting

Choose an appropriate time and setting that supports both you and your elderly loved one’s needs and privacy. Avoid bringing up the topic at breakfast or too close to bedtime, when people might be tired. Choose a quiet place, away from the public eye. Avoid having it in a restaurant or in a doctor’s lobby, for instance.

Be Patient

Don’t be surprised if your loved one resists the talk the first time you bring it up. Some people just need more time to process actually saying things like this “out loud.” Be patient and don’t push. When you see them next, you might just ask, “Have you given any more thought to our conversation about care last week?” or something similar.

Consider Who Should be Part of the Discussion

Don’t feel that you need to have this discussion all by yourself. Consider inviting siblings or a trusted family member. Only do so with the permission of your elderly loved one, however.

Don’t be Condescending

Everyone passes away, and it’s almost guaranteed that, as awkward as it may feel to broach the topic, your elderly loved one has already thought about their own passing. Avoid using placating words or a tone that sounds like you’re talking to a child. Approach it like two adults having an important conversation about life events.

Start With Yourself

Many people find that it’s quite helpful to start the conversation by mentioning what you would want to happen when you yourself become elderly. Then it’s a natural step to ask your loved one if they have thought about end-of-life care. From there, you can suggest writing things down on a notepad and making some preliminary plans.

Keep Things Light

It’s natural that this discussion will feel heavy and dark. But feel free to add some levity if it feels appropriate. Depending upon your relationship, some smiles might help to keep things from becoming too maudlin.

Have Some Ideas in Mind

It’s helpful to gather some information ahead of time so you can help to guide the discussion. This is good for—not forcing a set of circumstances—but assuring your elderly loved ones that they are in capable hands. One very helpful suggestion that you can make is to take your notes to an experienced elderly law attorney who knows how to help with all things associated with end-of-life care, such as Beasley & Ferber.

Contact Beasley & Ferber

After you’ve had your thoughtful discussion with your loved one, make an appointment with Beasley & Ferber. We are here to help with all things related to elder law, including end-of-life care plans.